I kind of liked it and kind of didn't. stepping off the curb of routine into a social setting reminiscent of those years. the flippant, flirtatious, fruitless coquettish yesterdays of yesteryears of momentary happiness.
i liked that i was, after that immense break, an outsider in the clamour for glamour; bustling busybodies rushing around, searching outside of themselves for respite. i didnt like the dejavu and the reminder of wasted years - good though they seemed at the time. now i spy that my mind is laced with cynicism at the forced social context on my time. fun and forget? that would be great. but it is not. it is not free wheeling, frank fun. it is forced.
i enjoy my solitude after a day packed with interactions. time to myself. for myself. that's me. I’m returning to me. introspection and retrospection. reflecting to understand myself and my offering to life this time over.
:-) 2007 July 18
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